Know your limits.
Pushing too far and too long out of your comfort zone, your brain will freak out.
The result is self-sabotage, which will end you up worse than when you started.
Even if you level out right where you started off, you have a nagging memory of failure poking you in the back of the head.
This will undermine your belief in yourself in future attempts.
At worst, years or month’s worth of failures will lead you to either never try again and quit altogether.
While quitting might be the right call in some situations, it will never be where your happiness and health is concerned.
When it’s a must for you, and you need to get that success, it becomes a matter of rethinking your approach.
From Zero To Hero… To Zero
What most of us do is start off reading or watching something inspiring.
We take that boost of motivation and form it into a decision to change our entire life.
All at once.
People, especially in the modern times, are almost criminally impatient.
This is certainly true on my part.
We want everything right now, RIGHT NOW!
Worse than that, we abhor earning our success through hard work (or even any work at all).
We keep searching for magic pills from endless books, courses and seminars.
But magic beans only exist in fairy tales.
The reality always involves blood, sweat and tears. Sometimes puke as well, if you’re really lucky.
Reality is all about reflecting on the mistakes made and honing the approach until the pieces of the puzzle start forming a coherent picture.
Don’t get out of your comfort zone
We hear about getting out of your comfort zone from every possible direction.
Every television show, late night infomercial, podcast and self-development book keeps shouting the good word from the rooftops.
We’ve all heard the same old phrases:
- It’s where growth happens!
- Life happens outside the comfort zone!
- Push your comfort zone every day to reach your dreams!
Instead what I am telling you is:
Don’t do it.
Do not keep pushing past your comfort zone. There’s plenty of life and growth inside the comfort zone.
Here’s what I mean:
If you are a reader of this website, then you are most likely rebooting.
There’s plenty of discomfort in that.
Your willpower is already being tested enough.
We can only adapt to so much (of self-imposed) change at a time.
And the sad fact is that your brain does not want to change. It likes stability and predictability.
“Nobody likes change” – Unknown
Frankly, your brain does not give a shit about your dreams or even your well-being. It wants things to stay the same.
You are currently surviving with relative comfort (even extraordinary comfort if speaking historically) and that’s all your brain cares about.
In fact, your brain thinks the opposite is true.
Our minds cannot distinguish between what happens on the screen and what happens in real life.
Now that you are rebooting, your brain is confounded about why the regular thousand-strong harem suddenly went away.
And if there is one thing that our mammal brains do care about, it’s reproduction.
From your standpoint, everything was shit and you are fixing it by cutting out all the bad stuff.
From your brains view, everything was better than great and has now gone to shit since you have (almost) zero reproductive opportunities anymore.
Familiar pain > the uknown
Just by the function of rebooting, you are already pushing your comfort zone every day.
If you are implementing meditation to go with it, you’ve very much reached your limit.
There’s another aspect to this.
The consumption and over-consumption of porn usually isn’t the problem, it’s the symptom.
Because pornography floods your brain with dopamine (the feel good hormone), it’s the optimal drug to dealing with any type of discomfort.
At least in the moment.
These discomforts can be anything:
- Any negative emotion
- Guilt from procrastination
Most rebooters already have a deeply ingrained behavior pattern of dealing with anything negative by burying the bad feelings by watching porn.
When keeping that in mind, it seems like an awful idea to poke this particular bear by overwhelming ourselves with too much life-change.
Patient man’s game
So let’s easy up on self-development for a while.
The most common three month reboot time is a long ass time in itself.
Even if you decide to opt for other simultaneous self-development, it is quite another matter to start working on it during the third month than during your first couple of weeks.
Rebooting is the patient man’s game, where self-awareness is king.
So do yourself a favor and focus solely on your recovery for at least the first two or even three months.
If you are still unsure, consider how long a time one year is.
Taking three months out of your calendar to reboot once and for all, leaves nine whole months of the year left.
With that remainder, you will still have time to for example completely change your body and mind through weight loss and meditation. Or improve upon your dating life. Or get that dream job of yours.
That still gets you pretty much from zero to hero in 12 months, a shocking transformation in itself.
As a bonus, your mental state and confidence in yourself has skyrocketed from the exponential successes.
Alternatively, you can struggle with your recovery for the whole year, by half-assing it and failing again and again.
By making a half-hearted attempt you will end up falling between two stools and your self-belief ends badly bruised in the process.
We imbue ourselves with patience. This is as common sense as it gets, but the most simple answers are usually the best.
Make rebooting your one and only goal for the whole three months.
Keep in mind, that this in no way means that you will be fiddling your thumbs for three months.
On the contrary, taking proper action to reboot will keep you more busy and active than you may have ever been in your life.
The distinguishing point is considering the reboot above all else.
Everything else is supportive action.
Those actions are there to help you remove porn from your life. And recovering effectively will mean taking massive amounts of supporting action.
These are the 2 questions you should always ask yourself:
- Is this helping my reboot in some way?
- Is this or can it be a hindrance to my reboot in some way?
If the answer to the first question is a YES, then you should go for it.
However, if the answer to the second question is a YES, then you should drop it immediately. It’s just gone. Out of the question.
To supportive action, or not to supportive action
Get in the habit of repeating these questions.
Some of your answers will affirm that you should indeed take that particular action.
Some answers will make clear how bad of an idea an action truly is.
You probably think all your actions are golden, but trust me, we all need to ask this question. I am constantly shocked at how undeniably bad some of my ideas are when put under the lense of introspection.
Some may also end up being neutral, both answers being no. Then it’s a matter of personal choice.
Though remember, you only have so much energy and willpower any given day, prioritize it on the most useful actions.
It is always a good aim to maximize the return from energy and willpower investments.
Give yourself a break from your other goals and aspirations. They will still be there when you have recovered.
Dedicate all your energy and focus to successfully rebooting. Because that’s what it will take to get through this.
If you find yourself being impatient, consider this: your reboot will set a solid foundation for anything else you want to go on doing later.
Porn addiction is a ball and chain, and going after your dreams is an uphill battle even without that extra weight holding you back.
Besides, you will most likely progress faster on the whole if you set your mind to one goal at a time. The same principle may apply to your recovery as well.
What in reality takes the most time and effort is the struggle and setbacks that occur.
At worst, a bitter relapse may discourage you from getting back at it. Perhaps for good. If you then restart, you will most certainly kick yourself of the lost time and progress.
It’s better to dedicate three months and succeed in one goal, than twelve months to failing at six. – Richard Wolf
- Reflect on your life, what other goals and aspirations are you attempting to succeed at alongside rebooting?
- Prioritize recovery above all and restructure your day to day life around that mindset.