I think one of the most detrimental approaches to rebooting is something that all of us are guilty of at some point or another:
And I say detrimental, because it puts us out of proactive control and into reactive victimhood. Rebooting is something where not being in control will cost you dearly.
And most of us have much to wait for:
- We wait for brain fog to go away so we can focus.
- We wait for the flatline to end.
- We wait for benefits to kick in.
This problem isn’t limited to rebooting either.
- We wait to graduate from school.
- We wait to get that promotion at work.
- We wait to get into that relationship.
It is a prevalent issue leeching happiness from almost everyone’s life. And there will always be the next thing to wait for. The only real completion in life is death, and then you’re done.
Very few people are more focused on the journey than the destination.
Understandable, if your surroundings and life situation are shit, but it is still not helpful to getting out the suck.
The actual problem with the waiting mindset is three-fold:
1. Unreliable motivation
The things we wait for may not ever even become reality, at least not in the way we think.
An unbeatable example of this are benefits and superpowers from rebooting.
Some, perhaps even most, experience them in one way or another. But the effects and their strength varies wildly between individuals.
You might notice only a slight change in three months, whereas someone else has become the king of the hill in half the time.
Not only that, but you may even experience great improvements one moment and then plunge into a month long flatline the next, losing it all and then some.
This volatility makes the completely unreliable.
Which makes them a shaky ground to base any type of drive or motivation on. It’s like building a skyscraper on jelly. Wibbly wobbly.
2. Not seeing the finish line
How do you know when you are done rebooting?
The 90 day reboot is just a commonly agreed upon amount of days, based mainly on anecdotal reports.
In reality, without a counter you might not be able to differentiate day 30 from day 90. And because your mileage may vary, your personal recovery time may be anywhere from 30 days or 30 months.
Not to mention that a flatlines and urges can be experienced long after the original three months.
With this in mind, waiting to reach that 90 day mark becomes arbitrary at best.
And here’s the real kicker: what would you have started to do differently after you were “done”?
Would you have gone back to watching porn?
Going back to old habits will guarantee that you are right back where you started, sooner or later.
3. From proactive to reactive
Waiting for something puts us into a passive state. We passively kill time until some external event takes place.
That’s reactivity at it’s worst.
Which takes us away from the drivers seat, towards being passengers in our own lives.
Suddenly we are not rebooting our lives.
Instead, we and our brains are rebooting.
Notice the passive voice there.
Effectively, our mindset switches towards rebooting turns into magic pill thinking.
Instead of being a cornerstone for relentless action toward a better tomorrow, recovery is suddenly a process which will make those uncomfortable actions of today do themselves tomorrow.
Never going to happen.
While all three points are solid, believe the third point here to be the most important one.
Recovering from porn addiction is much more than abstinence from porn.
Instead, it’s a catalyst and a key-stone habit for more all-encompassing life change.
Rebooting removes the ball and chain holding us back, freeing us to start hustling towards our dreams.
And for that, we need to have our hands solidly on the steering wheel.
- Reflect on your life, what are you waiting for?
- Start bringing mindful focus on the journey at hand